It’s time for a whole new ball game.

Our crusade to improve the world’s sports prediction ability takes another step forward today as we finally reveal to a chosen few our shiny new app.

Sporting Mouth is now available to download from the Apple store (you’ll find one on most street corners) and we’re asking our regular readers to try it out and report back. (Though if you are taking it for a test drive for God’s sake don’t scratch it, or we’ll lose our deposit).

As soon as you’ve fired up the app you should find yourself one step closer to earning the stripes your sporting judgment deserves. And as a result, your friends a step closer to losing theirs.

To get you match fit for the start of a journey that will involve all sorts of exciting features (including our weekly Premier League game that started this caper), we suggest you drop everything and immediately join us for some pre-season training in Brazil.

You’ll find all of this summer’s World Cup fixtures on the app, nervously lining up like Matchday mascots ready to shake your predictions by the hand.

Once you’ve decided what will happen on the pitch, you can then get on with the important business of picking an opponent and an appropriate stake, whether this is a free prize or one where the loser pays.

After that the app does all the hard work. You simply sit back and watch the action, safe in the knowledge that every result you nail will make someone feel as comfortable as the keeper in a penalty shootout.

As an added incentive to getting stuck in we have an extra treat.

Our new friends at Microsoft have come up with some unbelievably cool prizes for the most successful users of the app during the World Cup. They’ll also be publishing a live leader board on Facebook throughout the tournament.

As the elite foot soldiers of our movement it is your job to let us know what you think about the app and help us weed out any last minute technical glitches.

Those of you with fathers around on D-Day will understand that this is not a responsibility to be taken lightly. Please bear this in mind as you step into the landing craft for our very own Operation Overlord on June 6th.

Right, that’s enough of the pep talk. Time to cross that white line and show us what you can do.

Last one on the beaches gets the beers in.

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All good things come to an end. So no tears please.

AMNT Towers has been rife with speculation in recent weeks. As our shiny new prediction platform slowly comes out of the hangar the question on everyone’s lips has been what happens to the game we’ve been playing for the last 2 years. Will we still be able to predict the Premier League scores each week and will the technology that we’re planning to use make this a delightful experience or a bit like one of Statto’s biros?

Happily we’re able to report that though this will be the very last time that anyone asks you to click the Magic Link, you’ll be able to experience the joys of outwitting one another in a very modern way when our app launches on June 6th.

For those of us with longer memories than an Anfield season ticket holder, June 6th is of course already a historical date. It seems fitting then to borrow it to launch our new app, when our shock troops will be pouring out of their landing crafts and liberating those poor souls who’ve been denied that very basic human right of being able to predict the outcome of football matches.

So as you click the link for the last time, man up and don’t shed any tears. There have been quite enough of those in the last few weeks.

THE MAGIC LINK

We’re ***t and we know we are.

As you might have noticed we’re creaking under the strain of bring you Sporting Mouth, our shiny new app, that will forever banish the need to apologise about missing tables and errors of calculation.

Rest assured that all our results tables that haven’t yet appeared are in hand. Statto’s overbearing Brazilian aunt has been in town and her favourite nephew has been under the cosh.

In the meantime here’s the magic link for this weekend’s title and relegation deciders. Click on it now to settle the scores.

The Magic Link

Make the most of something we’ll never sing again.

The Stevie G sheet music

The Stevie G sheet music

It’s hard to escape the feeling that Premiership grounds around the country may be engulfed by an enormous sense of loss this weekend.

In the week that Mrs Moyes learned that she would be seeing a little more of her husband in future, you might imagine that there are a few parts of Britain that will be mourning the passing of United’s profligate season.

Yet for once there is an even bigger loss than anything United have managed on the pitch this season.

A chant that has graced the lips of every stadium in the land for much of the last two decades is on the brink of permanent retirement and there seems very little that any of us can do about it.

‘Have you ever seen Gerard win the league’ has greeted Liverpool wherever they have travelled and invariably broken the silence in the away section at Anfield over the years.

Yet in precisely 270 minutes of playing time (and whatever is added on for Fergie time) it now seems more or less inevitable that this charming little ditty will join that great hymn sheet in the sky.

Indeed conspiracy theorists amongst us suspect that the hand of God may be involved – and yes, we mean the man with the white beard, not Maradonna (Ed. Have you noticed that Argentina’s favourite son also sports a white one these days?).

Where once there was a doubt that Liverpool could ever again scale the lofty heights reached by their Old Testament heroes, there is now a biblical inevitability about Brendan Rogers’ team being crowned champions.

Who’d have thought that a season touted so much for its open ended possibilities would now close down faster than the David Moyes memorabilia section in the United shop, to become a pageant to all things Scouse.

Knock them off their perch if you feel brave enough, but as you click the magic link to enter your predictions for this coming weekend please bear in mind that the good Lord and 96 angels are looking down.

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silenced

Who wants to walk alone when the Anfield bus arrives?

Are we talking non-stop to the title?

Are we talking non-stop to the title?

As we enter the final weeks of the season we don’t need any scientific instruments to tell us that things are finely balanced.

Sitting in the eye of the hurricane, listening to the eerie silence surrounding us, waiting for the inevitable – like the flapping of a butterfly’s wings, the slightest event could be the trigger for the change that we know is coming.

Yes, any day now, Liverpool fans will go from being plucky underdogs bowed down by years of hilarious failure to the soaring heights of absolute insufferability.

Unless, of course, Norwich and their new manager Neil Adams can be the immovable object that stands in front of Anfield’s unstoppable force on Sunday.

It seems somewhat unlikely, due to Norwich being absolute gash for the vast majority of the season, but the Canaries have to find wins from somewhere to have any chance of playing at this level next season.

What of Liverpool’s title challengers?

Chelsea will either be winning 1-0 or losing 0-1 against Sunderland, but either way Mourinho’s touchline antics will probably be kept to a minimum for once in fear of Gus Poyet’s permanent air of quiet menace, like a Uruguayan Begbie. Then on Monday, Manchester City will be taking on West Brom at the Etihad in their own attempt to keep up with the pace.

Before all of that excitement, Saturday’s games offer another instalment of that long running saga ‘How few points will it take to avoid relegation this season?’.

A number of teams are playing survival chicken right now, testing just how bad they can possibly be while also managing to stay up. Hugo Rodellega will be hoping to continue his one-man Wigan impression (not last year’s Wigan, obviously) by scoring for the third match running as Fulham take on Tottenham, while fellow strugglers Cardiff face Stoke.

If either of them picks up three points, Swansea and Aston Villa will be looking nervously over their shoulders – both teams having gone from ‘half-decent’ to ‘you have played this game before, right?’ since the start of the season.

Swansea have the good fortune to be playing Newcastle who have literally – no make that utterly literally – gone on holiday since passing 40 points and selling their best player, and will therefore be fielding a team made up of a few Geordie Shore rejects, that fat topless guy from the crowd, and indie-disco favourites Maximo Park. Villa Park, meanwhile, continues to be built on top of a Native American burial ground, so expect a Southampton win.

To round out the weekend, Palace will be looking for their fourth win on the trot at West Ham, while Hull take on Arsenal. And you can expect Monday’s newspapers to be full of tedious pieces comparing Moyes and New Moyes as Everton take on mid-table underachievers Manchester United at Goodison Park.

So, have fun, stay safe, don’t do anything we wouldn’t do, and hit the magic link below to enter your predictions for the coming matches.

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Calm down. It’s only the most decisive game of the season.

Let's hope the nation's stocks last the weekend.

Let’s hope the nation’s stocks last the weekend.

If ever there was a weekend for the nation’s aromatherapists to consider a spot of overtime this surely is it.

The need to calm down a bit is expected to set the city of Liverpool a municipal challenge that not even a squadron of crop spraying planes armed with gallons of Geranium Oil could be expected to douse.

Liverpool’s game with Man City hardly requires us to add kerosene to a spectacle that is already as fired up as a line of stolen cars on a friday night in Toxteth, which is why we’re plumping for a damp squid of a game with nothing settled before the ref blows time on our over-hyped expectations.

In a season of more twists and turns than a shoplifter in Poundland, we are increasingly of the view that whatever we’re all expecting to happen will not and pretty much anything that we hadn’t considered is a nailed on certainty (with the exception of Man United winning the Champions League and Liverpool coming 4th).

So whether you think Fulham are going to survive in the Premiership or Arsenal are going to manage to secure another year of Champions League football or Sam Allardyce will win plaudits for an adventurous brand of 21st Century football, just remember that you’re in good company.

Most of all, don’t forget to enter your predictions for this coming weekend by clicking on the magic link below. Once you’ve done that it’s probably wise to put the kettle on and calm down a bit.

 

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Why do those baggy trousers now feel like drainpipes?

We’ve been taking calls all week from people wanting to know what the world was like when Liverpool last won the title. And sadly we’ve disappointed most of them, as our customer service team hadn’t been conceived then, let alone born. Maybe we should outsource them to India in future, though the thought of writing the briefing manual is about as appealing as linesmen duty on Boxing Day.

Statto is especially suffering with all this, as his algorithm doesn’t anticipate a team from the pre-internet era winning the title. It’s fair to say that the rest of the country probably hasn’t either. If you want to resist being dragged back to an era of even baggier pants than the ones that you’re probably wearing today, click the magic link and enter your predictions for this weekend’s action.

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What to do if your predictions were hit for six last weekend.

Here’s a canny statistic from last weekend’s ruination of goalkeeping reputations.

42 goals were netted in the 10 Premier League games played, but our winning AMNT pundit only predicted half that number would be scored.

Which presumably means that the leading marksmen are twice as good as the leading pundits, or that the leading pundits only have half their mind on the job.

If there’s a better explanation, we hope that you’ll let us know.

What remains indisputably clear is that after years of bigging up the notion of a title race, we now actually have one.

And for those of us fortunate enough to have second homes on the Iberian peninsula, one can even claim there are two, as La Liga apes the three horse race that appears to be consuming these shores.

(We should insert an apology here to any Arsenal fans for writing off their chances with so many games to play – except their own players seems to have beaten us to it).

Anyway, as ever this weekend’s fixtures are now lying in wait for your predictions, so don’t get stuck with your midfielders out of position, click on the magic link to enter them now.

THE MAGIC LINK

Moyes shakes his Tictacs at accusations of tactical naivety.

tic tic

Moyes reveals his secret tactical weapon

Some of us have been thinking that David Moyes must believe football tactics are a type of mint (thank you Michael Darby).

However, after a night when United proved that at least they don’t suck in Europe, we are now wondering if Moyes’ domestic stripes will amount to more than a bag of Everton mints.

With a mid-week Mancunian derby following this weekend’s Premier League fixtures we shouldn’t have to wait too long to find out if Moyes is a mint with a hole or a good old-fashioned gobstopper.

In sweet shop terms the Premier League is patently entering its Easter Egg phase, with more teams than normal eyeing that large box behind the counter and the customary line at the back of the shop fearing the shutters will come down before they get a chance to spend their pocket money.

Make sure you don’t get sticky fingers by missing out on this weekend’s action. Click on the magic link below to enter your predictions.

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Bet you a case of Blue Nun that we all get indigestion.

Who'll be enjoying a case of sour grapes this weekend?

We wonder which manager will be enjoying a case of sour grapes this weekend.

The Premiership returns in force this weekend to deliver us from wasteful European adventure and the misty-eyed romance of the Cup.

With such distractions set aside, we can get back to the serious business of working out if this season of so many twists will serve us a few more, before the Spring sunshine and the smell of newly mown grass overpower us with longing for our summer residences.

Fortunately the fixture list for this weekend is such a tour de force of  juxtaposition that we doubt the best chef in the land could match its menu for invention and appetite appeal.

After binging on tapas, cheap Rioja and cold chips, the juggernaut of Mancunian ambition rolls into the North East on Saturday lunchtime for a culinary encounter that would make Egon Ronay wince.

Whatever they eat in Hull isn’t likely to be found in any of Pellegrini’s kitchens.  Too much salt and stale chip fat for his tastes we suspect.

On the other side of the Pennines toils a man that many of us think is miscast in this life. Close your eyes and imagine David Moyes as an industrious sous-chef in a promising yet realistic seaside cafe and you’ll know what we mean.

Take him out of this environment and set him the task of feeding 75,000 success starved United supporters and the seams on his kitchen trousers are likely to buckle.

But don’t take our word for this, listen attentively to David’s visiting cousins from Merseyside this weekend and you’ll hear we never walk alone.

Elsewhere we reckon the roadside cafe that bridges the red and white halves of London will be strangely harmonious this weekend.

Both sides are starting to realise that the bargain Norton Commando they bought from that dealer in Wembley isn’t likely to get them to John O’Groats and back in this lifetime.

Yet there’s a slip road to silverware lying ahead, for one team ending a famine that a trailer load of hot-dog stalls couldn’t manage, and for the other, an offer of a form of fame that escapes them at home. Which could make this the quietest North London derby of recent times.

With Sunderland v Palace and Swansea v West Brom completing the weekend line-up, it’s clear that everything football related will take some digesting during the next 72 hours.  So don’t forget to click on the magic link below, enter your predictions and check the stocks of Rennies.

Finally, if you haven’t yet done so, may we suggest you check out our astonishingly successful funding campaign for Sporting Mouth. In the space of a few days we’ve already hit 50% of our target and have received many declarations of intent from would-be investors. If you fancy getting involved in something that could be bigger than Mourinho’s ego, don’t delay, unless of course you’re a specialist in failure.

THE MAGIC LINK