As we enter the final weeks of the season we don’t need any scientific instruments to tell us that things are finely balanced.
Sitting in the eye of the hurricane, listening to the eerie silence surrounding us, waiting for the inevitable – like the flapping of a butterfly’s wings, the slightest event could be the trigger for the change that we know is coming.
Yes, any day now, Liverpool fans will go from being plucky underdogs bowed down by years of hilarious failure to the soaring heights of absolute insufferability.
Unless, of course, Norwich and their new manager Neil Adams can be the immovable object that stands in front of Anfield’s unstoppable force on Sunday.
It seems somewhat unlikely, due to Norwich being absolute gash for the vast majority of the season, but the Canaries have to find wins from somewhere to have any chance of playing at this level next season.
What of Liverpool’s title challengers?
Chelsea will either be winning 1-0 or losing 0-1 against Sunderland, but either way Mourinho’s touchline antics will probably be kept to a minimum for once in fear of Gus Poyet’s permanent air of quiet menace, like a Uruguayan Begbie. Then on Monday, Manchester City will be taking on West Brom at the Etihad in their own attempt to keep up with the pace.
Before all of that excitement, Saturday’s games offer another instalment of that long running saga ‘How few points will it take to avoid relegation this season?’.
A number of teams are playing survival chicken right now, testing just how bad they can possibly be while also managing to stay up. Hugo Rodellega will be hoping to continue his one-man Wigan impression (not last year’s Wigan, obviously) by scoring for the third match running as Fulham take on Tottenham, while fellow strugglers Cardiff face Stoke.
If either of them picks up three points, Swansea and Aston Villa will be looking nervously over their shoulders – both teams having gone from ‘half-decent’ to ‘you have played this game before, right?’ since the start of the season.
Swansea have the good fortune to be playing Newcastle who have literally – no make that utterly literally – gone on holiday since passing 40 points and selling their best player, and will therefore be fielding a team made up of a few Geordie Shore rejects, that fat topless guy from the crowd, and indie-disco favourites Maximo Park. Villa Park, meanwhile, continues to be built on top of a Native American burial ground, so expect a Southampton win.
To round out the weekend, Palace will be looking for their fourth win on the trot at West Ham, while Hull take on Arsenal. And you can expect Monday’s newspapers to be full of tedious pieces comparing Moyes and New Moyes as Everton take on mid-table underachievers Manchester United at Goodison Park.
So, have fun, stay safe, don’t do anything we wouldn’t do, and hit the magic link below to enter your predictions for the coming matches.